


That's Me Trying

by Perpetual Motion (perpetfic)



Category: Law & Order
Genre: M/M, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-24
Updated: 2010-01-24
Packaged: 2017-10-06 15:35:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/55188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetfic/pseuds/Perpetual%20Motion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Above the quiet/there's a buzz/that's me trying"</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Me Trying

**Author's Note:**

> This is vaguely a post-ep for 19.8 [Chattel], but what you need to know about that episode is explained in the story. The title for this story, as well as the summary, comes from William Shatner's song, "That's Me Trying". Yes, I said Shatner, and, yes, you should listen to the song and the album ["Has Been"--iTunes has it].

There’s a piece of torn paper on Jack’s refrigerator. It’s an address and phone number, and Mike doesn’t have to ask to know whose it is. “You should call her,” he says casually one night. “She probably wants to hear from you.”

Jack doesn’t say anything, just gives Mike a look that reads, ‘don’t try it’.

“It’s ten here, so it’s just about dinner time there. I bet she’s at home.”

“Stop,” Jack says quietly.

Mike looks at the piece of paper again. “She probably misses you,” is all he says.

*

Four nights later Jack is alone in his apartment. Mike and Connie are working late trying to pull the last bits of evidence together on a triple murder, and Jack finds himself in the kitchen, planning to stand in front of the refrigerator until something looks appetizing.

Rebecca’s address and phone number are right there, under a magnet stamped with the BMW logo. Jack remembers the way she wrote it, not quite looking at him, as she rattled on about needing to call the movers and get her cable cancelled, and here’s her new information if he’s interested. The phone number’s her new work cell, but he can use it to reach her if he wants to talk.

Jack picks up the phone and dials the number slowly, one button at a time. He drums his fingers on the counter as the phone rings.

“Hello?” It’s Rebecca’s voice, slightly harried and completely without underlying emotion.

“Hey,” Jack says and has to stop and breathe in. “It’s your dad.”

“Oh!” It’s an exclamation of pure surprise, no happiness in it at all. “What’s up? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Just wanted to call and check in.”

“Oh. Okay.”

There’s a pause that makes Jack itch between his shoulder blades. “How’s work?”

“Work,” Rebecca says, strain in her voice. “How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Jack says automatically. “I’m…I’m running for office in the fall.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” There’s honking in the background. “Hold on, Dad.” There’s a flurry of cursing, muffled like the phone’s been dropped. “Sorry. Guy just cut me off.”

Jack smiles. “I understand. Everything else, okay?”

“Yeah. The same old stuff.”

Silence falls again, and Jack wonders what to say. “I’ve met someone,” he says after the silence gets awkward “I thought, maybe, the next time you were in the city—”

“I don’t plan to be in the city anytime soon.”

And that says everything there is say about the entirety of their relationship, Jack thinks. “There was a case recently,” he says instead of stepping into the fight. “A bunch of kids from Haiti were bought by people to be used as slaves. They were told they were going to be adopted and taken care of. They were promised an education and a better life.”

“Dad,” Rebecca sighs heavily. “What do you want me to say, Dad?”

Jack presses the phone hard against his ear and considers hanging up the phone. “I don’t know,” he admits after a few seconds.

“You were a pretty shitty father,” Rebecca says softly. “But you never used me.”

“I was an incredibly shitty father,” Jack amends. “Let’s not try to play nice on that.”

Rebecca makes a noise that’s almost a laugh. “All we ever do is try and play nice.”

The stark honesty in her tone makes Jack chuckle. “I suppose.” He listens to her breathe over the phone. “Is work really okay?” He asks.

“It’s a good job. I can work from home, sometimes.” There’s a sound of a car door closing. “Not today, but sometimes. You still in the office all the time?”

Jack glances at the clock. It’s just after nine. He’s been home since seven. He thinks about all the nights he got home after midnight and watched Rebecca sleep. “Pretty much,” he says. “I don’t do as much trial planning, so I occasionally see daylight in the evening.”

“An improvement, then.”

“Sure,” Jack agrees. He turns towards the door when he hears a key in the lock.

Mike walks in, suit jacket over one arm and his keys dangling from his hand. “Hey,” he calls out to Jack without looking at him. “Detective Menker is an asshole. Connie and I were digging around in all the reports, and Menker had the exact report we needed sitting on his desk all this time. The son of a bitch forgot to send it with the other case work, and I had to spend an hour on the phone with defense swearing up and down I wasn’t trying to hide evidence. So, in short—” Mike cuts off when he realizes Jack is on the phone. “Oh, crap. Sorry.”

“I should go,” Rebecca says at the same time. “Sounds like he needs to—”

“It’s okay,” Jack isn’t sure whom he’s talking to. He gives Mike a smile and holds up a finger, and Mike nods. “I can talk for a few more—”

“What would we say, Dad?” Rebecca asks with something that might be regret.

Jack can think of nothing that will actually extend the conversation. “Take care of yourself.”

“You, too.” There’s a pause, and Rebecca sighs into the phone. “What’s his name?”

“Michael Cutter.”

“Tell Michael Cutter I say hello.”

“I will,” Jack promises. “Bye, kid.”

“Bye, Dad.”

Jack hangs up the phone and looks at Mike. “Rebecca says hello.”

Mike smiles. “Return it for me, the next time you talk.” There’s no weight to the request, just a reciprocal bit of politeness.

“Do my best,” Jack replies and takes the kiss Mike gives him. “Now, what’s this about Menker being an asshole?”

Mike rolls his eyes and takes off on his diatribe. Jack nods along and makes the appropriate comments as he opens his cell phone and puts Rebecca’s number into his list of contacts.


End file.
